3 weeks in 12 hours - crossing the line

May 17, 2008 at 7:17 AM
5 comments

So although my memory is so slack right now I think that in 12 hours time the 3 week stage is reached. I have not been able to sleep at all - All night long - I have been in mild agony. Everything is starting to hurt. My stomach feels like it's started to eat itself, the lining feels like it's being stripped away. I have an odd tingling in my arms and fingers, someone must have a handful of needles and a voodoo doll to toy with. My eyesight is becoming blurred. My legs are struggling to hold my decreasing weight. My throat feels full of splintered glass and the voodoo treatment has utilized sand-paper for effect. Forget energy levels, there is no energy left to level. I feel so hungry but I just can not be bothered to walk to the kitchen and find food, I am so sick of bread i think i'd rather go without anyway. There's only one thing I want to do right now and that's lie down and stay still for a while. If flies landed on my arm whilst I rested I think I would just let them be. If someone started a revolution, I'd wish them well but decline the chance to join in because standing up to fight for a decent standard of living is a great notion but right now just standing up and walking is a struggle. I have more to write about this point in time because the line IS being crossed but I can't concentrate right now so I'm just going to shutdown. x

5 comments

Comments

Get well soon, Karlos. Hugs!

Hope you are healthy my little Mozart Genius and I pray that God will rocked you on top of He's wings.. and that is just a prayer!

Be blessed..

your Angel..Magic

I have sleep deprivation when things are really bad, or before a trip...I learned a sort of meditation technique: lay there in teh dark and imagine I am in a place where I am surrounded by water in some form; in a house made of stone in Norway surrounded by heavy snows; it is summer, I am on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean at night and the ocean is peaceful and calm; floating on my back in a warm swimming pool; on an island in an old house, in a bedroom on the top floor (I actually had that in the UK and thus was able to sleep when i remembered where I was). If that does not work, I make lists in my head: list everything made of plastic in my kitchen; everything I bought to wear over the past year; where I want to go next in my travels; all the music cds I have. If you can learn to meditate, you can make yourself sleep.

I read a few yrs ago something called dream-linking. I dream alot. If you wake during a dream, or just after one, if you go back tot he dream and lay there still, you should fall back asleep.

I am fortunate I am able to fall asleep anywhere (I used to sleep under my desk at work at lunchtime). I suppose it is from experience, from living on a sailboat, growing up in a large family, living in my car part of one summer at 18, camping, traveling to other countries and sleeping in a place where I knew no one else, and hiding out at one point not too long ago for my safety. Right now I am sleeping on a futon, which is a bit stiff but if I sleep on my back, I am fine.

I read not long ago that your bedroom should be a peaceful place to look at and to smell. No reds, no oranges, no tv, do not eat or smoke in there. Burn incense in the day to make it smell nice at night without being opverpowering, or have a bowl of dried lavender and rosemary leaves (I love that combo). Or burn a vanilla or sandalwood candle for an hour or so before getting into bed. Do not listen to music in bed. Learn to love the silence so your mind can rest. Have a big spider plant in there to naturally clean the air. Lovely soft sheets help; those cotton jersey (t shirt like fabric) sheets are divine, and the older they get the softer they are. I bought my son a set too. Do not use heavily scented laundry detergent (I can not anyway as I have allergies to fake scents). I have a pillow I hold in my arms. I also have Genghis who is warm and very soft and sweet to sleep at the foot of the bed.

I hope all that helped.